"Sing a long good night, forfeit any fight, refuse to rest assured."

Last night, Alison, Karli, Holly, Monica, our two little boys & I went out to eat at Cheddar's. I love when we all get together, it's nice to have supportive friends that know every little thing about you and love you just the same. These girls have been there from the beginning, for the good, the bad & the extremely ugly.

We talked quite a bit about Tyler and how the city is known for it's crazy, intertwined, back woods relationships. You can't walk into a store without seeing someone you know. The people who do "know" you have a screwed up version of what they "heard," many stories are embellished to fit whatever they are feeling or what they would like people to think. I say there are two sides or more to every story and what actually happened fits somewhere in the middle. I personally feel that it would be beneficial to hear every part of the story unless you like to act like nothing happened, which is usually the choice for people who like to keep things hidden so that they may keep an image of perfection. Whatever. Like Holly said "people do what they do."

After an hour or so of visiting, we all went our separate ways. Corbin got a bath & watched a little bit of Jungle Book then off to bed he went. I packed for this weekend & went to bed fairly early. Around 3 this morning, Corbin crawled into my bed because he was scared. We snuggled until the alarm clock went off. I let him finish the rest of Jungle Book before he had to go to school & before I had to go to work.

Wish me luck for my camping trip, I'm definitely going to need it!

XO,
L

bug spray & tents.

My family used to own a farm in Pittsburg, Texas that runs back to my great grandparents. The original house & pond were built & dug by my great grandfather's, Floyd Rainey, hands and he had livestock & a garden full of fresh vegetables. It was then given to my grandmother, Patricia Rainey, and step grandfather. They lived there from as far back as I can remember. The original house that was built burned down due to an unfortunate electrical fire and was replaced by a different house. When I was around 8, it was given to my dad.

My days were spent riding horses, fishing and helping my family with the garden. I am not one to brag but for an eight year old, I was a great rider and knew my way around with the horses. After my parents divorced, my grandparents moved back on the farm. Then the land was sold after my grandfather passed away more than three years ago.

Despite all of these things, I've never been one with nature. I like to sleep indoors on a bed with air conditioning. I'm a fan of electricity and running water. I like using an actual restroom. The closest I've ever come to camping was in a cabin with all of these luxuries that I partake in every night.

Not this weekend...

Somehow, someway, my best friend, Monica, persuaded me to accompany her & several of her Dallas friends on a camping trip in the hottest months in Texas history. While on the phone with her, I first was a bit excited to meet new people & cookout until I realized what this meant exactly.

I always try to look my best when going out on the small town of Tyler, Texas. This fashion inspiration comes from Monica who looks great at any time of the day, with or without make up, dress, jeans, shorts, whatever... she's a freaking super model (she's tall & very slender, I'm shorter & have child bearing hips & boobs). I am not this fortunate. I roll out of bed with my hair looking like Frankenstein, she hops out of bed looking like she just finished a Dove commercial. How in the world can I even try to compete when I'm outdoors sweating versus her glistening?

People, I don't have a solution... other than a drink or two... maybe three to take the sting out of the many mosquito bites I will surely have.

Wish me luck and offer any advice you'd like to give before tomorrow.

XO,
L

I did it!

I never thought the day would come that I would be so excited about this & decide to announce such news on the internet.

Corbin, my two year old toddler, peed in the potty four times last night!

He even told me when he had to go! The first was after we got home from daycare and work. He followed me into my bathroom and announced his need to use his little potty. I helped him get situated and then he yelled "I did it, mommy!" He stood up & indeed "did it."

After we changed clothes, we went to Cheddar's to celebrate Karli's birthday; a week late but a celebration none the less. When we were getting ready to leave, Corbin told me that he needed to pee again... so on our way to the scary public restrooms. Thankfully, women aren't as gross as men but it's still a bit unsettling to sit your innocent child on a throne of many living germs. He then did it again!

Then again before bath time!

Again before bed!

I am seriously so surprised and delighted in him for being such a big boy. Of course, it helps that every time he goes, I do a little "you pee peed in the potty" dance, give him a small piece of candy & glee with joy and praise for such an achievement.

After he gets the hang of peeing in the potty and knowing that "feeling" or urge to use the bathroom, I'm going to buy him really cool boys underwear, I mean the absolute coolest little boys underwear in the history of the universe.

All of this potty talk has really got me wondering, though. At what point did our parents stop following us around using candy as a bribe for us to use the potty? What am I going to do to encourage Corbin in a few years to remember to brush his teeth?

XO,
L

hmph.

My internet has been down at my apartment for the last weekend and I'm not sure why. I should call my internet provider but haven't done so due to lack of care. Sorry, internet world.

Yesterday, I kept Corbin home from daycare. He had a cough & just wasn't feeling good. He slept in my bed Sunday night so I could make sure I heard him if he needed me for anything. Around 5, I woke up to feel his chest to make sure he was easily breathing when I felt something rather wet and alarming on my mattress. Corbin peed through his diaper on to my sheets.

This caused a deep cleaning bug to scurry in my hands and feet. I spent all day yesterday cleaning, doing laundry & throwing out things that I no longer use or need. Monica now has a box full of clothes waiting for her because I went through all of Corbin's clothes and boxed up the things he will no longer be able to wear.

His room is spotless, my room is almost spotless! Thanks to Ryan's help, we accomplished many things! Team work, hoorah.

The living room & kitchen still need a couple of hours of attention for deep cleaning. I want to shampoo our carpet and make the place look shining. We're moving out in a month and 1/2 so I'm getting a head start. Packing will be a breeze, I hope.

XO,
L

brutal.

The past few weeks have been a bit brutal for me. I am sad, lonely, overwhelmed, and tired. I have been active in my recovery from depression that I've experienced since I was a young teenager. I know that I can't ignore my problems or push it below the surface because it will always lie there provoking and mocking me.

I've had thoughts that scare me. I've cried myself to sleep for the past 4 nights.

I am so thankful for an understanding fiance. I haven't made this easy for either one of us but when I'm irrationally sad, my needs are irrational.

I'm taking something now with added therapy that will hopefully pull me out of my funk for good. Sorry if I'm being too personal, I just have nothing else on my mind but moving past this.

Things that make me smile:
Friends that will come over at 10 pm because you just need them, Corbin's laugh & company, complimentary emails in the a.m. from a long distance friend, showers, Ryan's text messages, music & staying wrapped up in my favorite blanket.

XO,
L

Nothing else to write about.

This joke was told to me by Ryan and was told to him by Trevor. If offended, blame Trevor.

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"9/11"

"9/11 who?"

"I thought you said you'd never forget!"

XO,
L

That's eewy.

After being back to work after a three day weekend, I found it particularly hard to enjoy my Monday at my desk. After making it through the grueling 10 hour day, I was finally able to gather my things and try to leave. My keys fell off of my desk when I grabbed my purse, so I leaned over and looked to the left. To my surprise, there was a disgusting 3 day old pile of dog shit in the left corner under my desk. Okay, I don't have a dog so there was no way possible that this shit was brought under my desk by my own accord. Anger began to swell in my body, travelled up to my cheeks and verbally exploded on the next person in my path.

"Lauren, what's wrong?"
"There is dog shit under my desk."
"Dog shit?"
"Yes, a dog has shat upon my undeserving floor under my desk."
"Oh."

Come to find out, one of my coworkers thought it would be a great idea to bring her dog to work on a Sunday and let it roam around.

Since I've lately been trying to find the positive in all situations, I can only find one positive in this....

I didn't have to clean it up.

XO,
L